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有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

🕛 by yano





近日,「煤氣燈效應」 (the Gaslight Effect) 再次進入公眾視野並登上熱搜,引發網友廣泛關注。 那麼,什麼是「煤氣燈效應」?

以"愛"之名進行情緒控制

在心理學中,通過「扭曲受害者眼中的真實」來對對方進行情緒控制的操縱行為,被稱為「煤氣燈操縱法」 。

而「煤氣燈效應」的概念,源自派翠克·漢密爾頓1938年創作的劇本。 1944年,改編自該劇本的經典黑色懸疑片《煤氣燈下》(Gaslight)問世。 影片講述了丈夫為了謀取妻子的財產,千方百計把妻子逼瘋的故事。

有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

劇中,妻子看到了微弱的煤氣燈光,丈夫卻一直否認,說她看錯了。 妻子單純地愛著丈夫,對其深信不疑,久而久之就確信自己真的哪裡出了毛病。

美國心理學家Robin Stern受到電影的啟發,結合20年的臨床經驗,寫出了轟動一時的書——《煤氣燈效應:遠離情感暴力和操縱狂》。

US-based author of The Gaslight Effect, Dr Robin Stern, outlined the insidious nature of gaslighting, writing: "It's a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from."

《煤氣燈效應》的美國作者Robin Stern博士指出了「煤氣燈」的陰險本質:「這是一種難以識別的情感虐待和操縱,甚至更難以擺脫。 ”

有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

[Photo/pexels]

後來,「煤氣燈效應」就被廣泛的用於指代這種情感虐待(emotional abuse)。

在親密伴侶關係中,這種效應的表現方式較為隱秘而微妙(imperceptible and subtle)。 比如,操控者會常說"你神經過敏","是你太敏感了","你一定記錯了"......

The term describes a type of emotional abuse, and unlike other forms, is difficult to recognise because it distorts a person's sense of reality. 這個詞描述的是一種情感虐待,和其它虐待形式不同,這種情感虐待很難識別,因為它扭曲了一個人對現實的認知。

一方面,不斷否定你的一切;另一方面,強調這是愛。 身處在一段「煤氣燈效應」作怪的關係中,會給人帶來非常大的負面影響。

據《每日郵報》,「煤氣燈效應」甚至會導致嚴重抑鬱。

At its mildest, gaslighting leaves women uneasy, wondering why they always seem to end up in the wrong.

"煤氣燈效應"輕則令女性感到不安,奇怪自己為什麼總是做錯。

At it's worst, gaslighting leads to major depression, with formerly strong, vibrant women reduced to abject misery and self-hatred. 重則導致嚴重抑鬱,使得原本強大活潑的女性變得自憐自艾並且自我憎恨。

據央視新聞,心理學家彭凱平分析,被精神操縱的受害者會經歷三個階段:(1)自我懷疑;(2)深度依賴;(3)自暴自棄。 最終被「洗腦」,無法逃脫。

警惕有毒的情感關係

一段好的感情可以讓人擁有好心情,彼此成就。 而一段消極的戀情,則會讓人悲觀、甚至抑鬱。 因此,在一段情感關係中,如果出現了以下特點就要提高警惕了。

Ghosting 神秘消失

有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

It can happen when you've met up a few times, or even after things get serious - but constitutes when someone literally removes you from their life, without warning. 這種情況多見於你們見過幾次面,甚至關係變得更認真的時候,你卻突然被對方從生活中移除了,毫無徵兆。

Slow Fade 逐漸隱匿

有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

This is where someone gradually backs away from a potential relationship, but doesn't cut all ties immediately. 在這種情況下,對方會逐漸放棄一段潛在的關係,但不會立即斷絕所有的聯繫。

Breadcrumbing 撒麵包屑

This is when someone leaves a trail of small but flirtatious messages for a potential date, with no intention of meeting. 這種情況是指某人給潛在的約會對象發了一串短卻撩的資訊,但沒有任何要見面的意思。

Taking its name from the classic tale of Hansel and Gretel, breadcrumbing involves leading someone on with a trail of flirtatious messages but never following through. 麵包屑這個名字源於經典童話故事《韓塞爾與葛雷特》(Hansel and Gretel),這裡指的是一方用一系列曖昧資訊讓另一方產生戀愛錯覺,但是從不進行後續發展。

Benching 備胎

有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

Before couples have 'the talk' and define their relationship - also known by the acronym 'DTR' - either party is at risk of being 'benched'. 在雙方挑明、確定關係之前(DTR),雙方都可能是對方的"備胎"。

This happens when one person is unsure of their future with their current partner and so puts them on the 'bench' - as with sports team reserves - and looks at other options. If nothing better comes along, they might come back into play. 當一個人不確定要和目前的伴侶共度未來時,可能就會去尋找新目標,而將現任視為"備胎",仿彿是體育隊伍里的候補隊員。 而如果沒有更好的選擇,他們還是會回歸現狀。

Zombie-ing 殭屍回歸

有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

This is when someone has already ghosted his or her way out of a relationship - but then tries to come back. 某人已經放棄這段關係,卻又想吃回頭草。

Social media has also opened up a new playing field for zombies, who can now 'like', 'comment' or 'follow' their way back onto their target's radar. 社交媒體也給這些要吃回頭草的人打開了新世界的大門,他們可以通過"點讚"、"評論"和"關注"重回對方視線。

Layby

路邊停車

'Layby' refers to someone who is in a relationship but looking to get out. Instead of risking a period of singleness when it eventually ends, a layby starts laying the groundwork with other women or men who they might want to date next.

"路邊停車"指的是對方雖然還在跟你談戀愛,但是已經在想著分手了。 這種人在分手以後不會有空窗期,因為他們已經想好了下一個可能的約會對象,並且為此著手準備了。

Those being pursued by a layby should be wary as he or she might well have a number of 'next' options lined up - not to mention the fact that they are not technically single. 要是被這種人追求,你可就要當心了,因為對方很有可能同時追求很多人,更別說其可能還沒真正單身。

Catch and release

追到就跑

有毒的"情感關係""煤氣燈效應"上熱搜

On the other end of the spectrum is the dater who practises the 'catch and release'. 另一種極品約會者就是那些一追到手就把對方甩了的人。

This is a move favoured by those who enjoys the 'chase' part of a relationship, the first flirtations before any commitments are made. 有的人在一段關係中最享受"追逐"的體驗,也就是在作出任何實質性承諾之前的曖昧調情。

真正的愛,是建立在尊重與平等之上的,任何以愛之名給予的情感暴力和精神控制都需要警惕。





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